


One Last Shot

by lollystar888



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Dimension Travel, Gen, Mistaken Identity, Multiverse, Noir fights HYDRA, Peter B. Parker as PB, Peter B. Parker has travelled to too many dimensions and he just wants to retire already, Technobabble, canon AU, for MCU, i don't really know what tags to put here yet, i'll add as i go - Freeform, spider-verse crossover into a universe which is mcu but not quite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 18:43:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18783973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lollystar888/pseuds/lollystar888
Summary: Peter B. Parker is going about his life as usual when he's dropped into yet another dimension, with Noir alongside him. There are portals opening up all over New York, dropping out alternate versions of heroes and villains alike, and they'll need all the help they can get to get to the bottom of it and get home. Peter B. Parker just wants a rest, Tony Stark is losing his mind, this world's Peter Parker is a human disaster and has so many questions, Noir is distracted by trying to single-handedly dismantle HYDRA, and dimensional doppelgangers cause confusion.





	One Last Shot

Peter B. Parker was having a fine afternoon. He was about to eat his lunch, which involved a sandwich filled with things that weren’t usually found in sandwiches and which most people who weren’t him, and maybe some people who were him, would find disgusting.

Of course, that all changed when an all too familiar jacked up portal appeared overhead, and he had just enough time to think ‘oh fuck’ before he crash landed in another universe and had the wind knocked out of him.

The first thing he was aware of was a blaring alarm. It was the loudest thing he’d ever heard, and fuck did whoever was in charge of this place needed to be more considerate of those with enhanced senses.

He gathered himself to his feet and winced, putting his hands over his ears. Where the hell was he? The walls were shiny, and everything looked far too neat and clean for his liking. It looked like some kind of laboratory, because of course. Mysterious, menacing laboratories had been a recurring factor in the last twenty-something or so years he’d been Spiderman.

The sirens cut off at almost the exact moment his spider sense decided to tell him something along the lines of _danger, danger, you’re gonna get fucked if you don’t turn around right now_. Peter, promptly, turned around.

Standing there, in front of him, was a group of generic soldiers pointing a lot of guns at him, which, rude, but not the point. He was more taken aback by the sight of Tony Stark, and, well. Fuck. In his universe he tended to stay out of the way of the Avengers because to be honest the stuff they got involved in was hella intense, and man he had enough on his plate dealing with villains of his own. But you couldn’t exist and not know who the Avengers were and what they looked like.

So yeah, there was an honest to fucking god alternate universe version of Iron Man standing in front of him and boy did Peter get a feeling he was in some deep shit here.

“Hey there. Iron Man, how ya doing? Been a while huh, saved the world lately?”

Stark did not take this very well. “Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?” Oh crud, he sounded _pissed_. Peter closed his eyes. Couldn’t he just enjoy one sandwich without somehow being pulled into another universe? This had to be, like, the sixth time this had happened now. The multiverse must have it out for him in particular.

“Look, I don’t really know what’s going on here, or where I am, or generally what I’m doing with my life.” Wow, Peter, are you trying to make them pity you? “That… didn’t sound as good as it did in my head. How about you guys stop aiming at the unarmed man now and I can explain – “

Peter was cut off by the sight and sound of a tear being ripped in the universe above him.

If anyone had been able to hear over the jazzed-up wormhole, they would have heard the sound of guns being cocked, the shuffling of feet as people scrambled to get away from the wrongness of that thing, and Tony Stark saying ‘what the actual fuck’ under his breath.

Peter’s spider sense had impeccable timing.

_move, move, move!_

Peter stepped to the side and watched as Peter Benjamin Parker landed gracefully with a gust of wind where he had just been standing. Which. Unfair. Why did Mr. black and white over there get to look so cool when he’d face planted?

Peter was a little unnerved by the fact that Noir wasn’t in costume, not least because he’d never seen him out of it. He had paper white skin and black hair and he looked _off_ somehow.

Noir saluted a greeting to Peter and Jesus in hell, Noir had the creepiest looking eyes he’d ever seen. He’d have to get him some glasses, stat.

“PB. Good to see you again. Funny lookin’ universe here.”

“Okay, okay, what the actual shit was that? And cut the crap tubby, I want to know what the hell that was and where the hell that… that _vampire_ over there came from.”

“Okay, first of all, _tubby_ is a bit harsh, and vampire is stretching it a bit.” Stark glared at him. “Look, I’m not sure _exactly_ what’s going on here but I’ve been in similar situations before and it’s kind of a long story –“

“Listen, _tubby_ , give me the short version. You can catch me up when the both of you are fully secured. Now talk.”

“Okay Mr. grumpy pants. I’m from another dimension and _Benjamin_ over there’s from other another dimension where colour doesn’t exist.”

Stark scowled. “Yeah, I’m gonna need the longer version. Secure these guys and let me know when you’re done.” He stormed out of the room. Fucking other dimensions? If it weren’t for the miniature black hole that had just opened up, he wouldn’t believe it. God knows the other Avengers weren’t going to believe him.

“As an enforcer of the law I will comply with anything which will make you feel safer, that way we can sooner band together and vanquish all evil-doers from this world.” Noir stated, not noticing the uneasy glances of the agents.

As the agents closed in on them cautiously, as though they’re going to turn into monsters and eat them, Peter could only think one thing.

_Thank fuck it wasn’t the pig that fell out of the wormhole._

That would’ve been more than he could handle.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, that was fun to write. I've been on a Spiderman kick lately and I've been bored with nothing to do so why not just write self indulgent fic to pass the time? Hope you liked it if you read it, please feel free to comment! :D


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